As a new record was set for high energy collisions, created by smashing 2 proton beams together; the scientists running the world’s largest atom smasher were heard to exclaim: “Christ on a bike, did you see that?”

Dr Sharonson, head of pocket protection technologies, exclaimed: “Fuck me sideways, did you see that? That $10 billion was totally worth it! That makes the New Year’s fireworks off the Sydney harbour bridge look like a couple of sparklers in your Nana’s backyard on Guy Fawkes’ night.”

The Hadron Collider has been dubbed the world’s largest scientific experiment by people who get hard over these sorts of things. It eclipses the previous world’s largest experiment, where scientists attached a rocket to a cow and shot a pig out of a cannon into it to see what would happen.

The Hadron Collider holds the promise of revealing details about theoretical particles and microforces. This will give the bearded and spectacled types something to talk about down the pub.

Critics have said that perhaps the $10 billion could be better spent on looking for cures for cancer or degenerative diseases rather than smashing two protons together at 3 times more force than previously achieved. And, that while the Hadron Collider looked “fuckin’ cool” it basically just made a massive great bang.