New Zealand's expat communities were said to be breathing a sigh of relief with the news that urgent supplies of bowler hats, tweed coats and warm beer were on their way to New Zealand following the calming of activity and change in wind direction around the Iceland volcano.    

The South-Pacific island nation of Tonga today were the first country to sign the President Obama's nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty.

With the release today of a study stating, that eating 5 fruit and vegetables a day has little or no impact on the majority of cancers; millions of people around the world said “Fuck this!” immediately prior to ordering the largest portion of chips they could find and plastering it in mayonnaise and tomato sauce.

As a new record was set for high energy collisions, created by smashing 2 proton beams together; the scientists running the world’s largest atom smasher were heard to exclaim: “Christ on a bike, did you see that?”

Israeli Prime Minister, Mr Netanyahu, today confirmed in a press statement that "Israel will continue to do whatever the fuck it likes, when it likes and until Iran builds a great big fuck-off nuclear bomb there ain't a thing any of you can do about!"

 Police in Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, were today demanding sturdier weapons as they continue their relentless beating of brown people and anyone who talks a bit funny.