Mass Cheering as Cheating Bank Ordered to Pay $645m in Unpaid Tax.
Crowds lined the main roads of New Zealand today, to cheer the announcement, that one of the leading Australian banks in New Zealand, the confusingly named Bank of New Zealand, had been ordered by the high courts to pay $645 million in unpaid tax. Sales of rotten fruit is said to be at a 10 year high as people lined up outside greengrocer's shops, in order to have enough to pelt at the banks executives as they left the courthouse.
The decision relates to the bank's use of so called "structured finance" transactions, to "steal as much money as humanly possible". A BNZ executive said: "Initially we had planned on just throwing as much money as we could in a sack and burying it in a hole and saying we new nothing about it. Instead, as an overseas company operating in New Zealand, we exploited tax loop holes, the benefit being that by the latter method if we were caught, we keep our jobs and don't go to jail."
Sharon Sharonsin, a housewife from Poririua said: "Look at all the fuss over someone skipping the country with $10 million that some muppet teller put in his account. Meanwhile, these crooks at the BNZ are doing everything they can to steal $645 million, by rights If you stole this you'd be in jail. someone there should be locked in jail or at least put in a stock for a week so we can through rotten eggs at them."
We asked Geff Jameson, a wage slave from Mt Wellington what he thought he said: "The cheeky cockrings! You mean they won't drop their lending rates and then force me to sell my house, meaning that I am now living under a bridge, doing my best to stop other hobos from stealing my shoes while I sleep, but they'll happily try and avoid paying that much tax? Arseholes!"
He continued: "The only downside is that the money goes to the IRD who are obviously another bunch of shits"
Meanwhile a government spokesman stated: "It is good news for the government to get this money, with that much money we can build a road right through your house or fund countless non-binding referendums; punching children in the face, adding H's to words, the list is endless"
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