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New airline Jetstar considering new plans to stop stupid people flying with them.
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After a rocky start to their New Zealand domestic service, Jetstar are considering banning stupid people from flying on their airline. Despite listing the details and conditions of each flight and flight class, multiple times on their website though all booking stages and requiring the ticking of a box stating they understand the conditions, followed by a large flashing box pointing out the conditions they've just agreed to and finally having the terms detailed on a confirmation email and again on the e-ticket. Jetstar have discovered that many of their passengers were either to stupid, illiterate or lazy to read the instructions.

The media scrum first reported on passengers turning up after the 30 minute check-in time, despite the check-in rules being on the ticket in their hand and then blaming the airline for not letting them board late. The scene, like a New Zealand version of Airport involved the white trash family of 4, at first begging, before yelling as Jetstar as if it was somehow their fault that they decided to wait until the end of Shortland Street before they left the house. One of the dishevelled latecomers yelled: "I'm never flying with yous fellas again, that's for sure, well at least not till I've calmed down and realise that your 1/4 of the price of Air NZ anyway".
          How very dare they?
Passengers are being told to read the fine print, the bold print, the places where it is clearly displayed online, as well as the large flashing box on the screen which you must click, so as not to be shocked by unexpected but clearly stated baggage charges. One passenger a Jeff Jameson who had recently travelled with Jetstar said: "I was outraged, despite it being clearly printed on my ticket in bold letters, directly under my flight details, they still charged me for my baggage. When I booked I had the choice of paying an extra $10 for baggage and my flight still would've cheaper than Air NZ, but I thought I'd have a go at just turning up and now it's failed, I'm outraged."

Jetstar CEO, John Smith, said in response: "Well I must admit that we never expected these problems, these are common rules for budget carriers around the world, and they, as a general rule run fairly smoothly, your often paying less than half the price of a non-budget carrier and to make those savings we need to run super-efficiently. I think there were 2 things we had not anticipated with our New Zealand launch and that would be the number of stupid people in this country and the propensity of the media to cover stupid people yelling, rather than perform anything resembling actual balanced journalism."

He continued: "Because of this we're considering banning stupid people, perhaps online we'll have a 12 months interest free buy now, pay later button, if they press that, the site will insert a virus on their computer destroying the computer and stopping them from bothering us".

Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news.  They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
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