New Zealand wins bronze in world's fatty boom boom stakes.
An OECD health report today showed that New Zealand is the 3rd fattest country in the world, chomping at the heels of other pie loving nations USA (1st) and Mexico (2nd). 1 in 4 New Zealanders is clinically obese making New Zealand a fatter nation than our much maligned podgy cousins in England.
The survey also showed that per capita we had 25% less physicians than the OECD average. So, if you happen to choke as your trying to cram down that extra large custard slice, there is a much higher chance of you dying than in America, where you could happily gorge yourself on milkshakes with blended cookies in them, as if a milkshake or a cookies on their own take too long to consume or aren't unhealthy enough.
Extra lettuce and a diet Sprite please, I'm on a diet.
New Zealand was also well behind the OECD averages for the number of CT machines and MRI units. This has resulted in calls for New Zealand to be reclassified as a third world country. This would result in New Zealand being in the top of 3rd world tables instead of at the bottom of first world tables.
Putting a positive spin on this was Health Minister, John "Chunk" Smith. He said: "This is another example where New Zealand can lead the world", he paused for breath, before wolfing down another bit of cake and continuing "I mean just look, at Australia, we absolutely creamed them, how often does that happen, sweet fuck all. Can you pass that pie please".
Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news. They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
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