NZ public: Just let us get shitfaced will you?
Binge drinking enthusiasts across New Zealand, were today telling the government to take their newly proposed drinking laws, making it harder for adults to get alcohol and to shove them where the sun doesn't shine. The government is calling for sweeping changes including increases in taxes on alcohol, shortening opening hours and changes to the purchasing age.
However, members of the New Zealand public, who after a hard week at work like to unwind by drinking as much alcohol as possible in an 8 hour period, dancing awkwardly and singing at the top of their lungs, before soiling themselves in the taxi ride home, have said that increased restrictions on alcohol will not stop them enjoying a night on the binge. Just like laws banning P and marijuana have not stopped P-heads and stoners from getting regularly munted.
How else will they get sex? Sharon Sharonsin, a wage slave from Birkenhead said: "Look, they need to just toss off. Each time they raise taxes in an attempt to stop me from binge drinking I just turn to cheaper, stronger and much more horrible tasting booze to get the job done. It's not rocket science, lower the price in the pubs and I'll head there to drink and drink lower alcohol products at a slower rate. Increase the price and I'll get a flagon of cheap polish wodka and charge that down in half an hour on the bus ride to the same pub. Which do you think has a greater effect?"
"At the end of the day it's part of our culture, look at Britain, they have a proud history of binge drinking and they extended their hours to combat it. Did it work, no and do you know why? Because it's great fun to get completely rat-arsed. Now, cock off and let me scull this tequila shot."
Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news. They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
.
Copyright 2009 Lettuce Productions Ltd - This website is intended for adults over 18 years of age