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Paula Bennett: Defy us and we will crush you
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Paula Bennett, the Minister of Social Development, has set a new government precedent by declaring that any member of the public who dares question government policy will be crushed by a new multi-phased approach.

From now on any suspected dissident will face a new 3 phased re-education programme of government control.

Phase 1 involves ignoring any persons privacy and defying the privacy commission in an attempt to embarrass any person speaking out against the government.

If that is not effective, phase 2 will be invoked. This involves thought police coming to your house and beating you to within an inch of your life, while locking your family up in prison.

Should you still not comply, the government will be forced to invoke phase 3. You will enter a room containing your greatest fear and will be forced to endure it until you promise to be quiet and turn in any of your fellow comrades for suspected thought crimes

Phase 1 was enacted for the first time yesterday, following the speaking out by two solo mothers, against the cutting of training initiatives by the National government.  We spoke to one of the mothers today, Sharon Sharonsin from Mt Wellington, she said: "Actually I have now seen the error in my ways, the government is great and we should not speak out against them". We asked Ms Sharonsin about her broken arm and whether she had been in a wheel chair yesterday, she went quiet and rolled away, looking around nervously.

John Key has said that he supports Ms Bennett and people should not complain, as things were better than they'd ever been and that chocolate rations were going up for 200th week in a row.

Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news.  They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
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