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The NZ News Online Swine flu infection rates soaring to blah, blah, blah The swine flu pandemic apparently hit another milestone yesterday, suggesting that it could be the most deadly virus, or bacteria, or something, since the last one that killed 3 poor people in Vietnam. With the news that the first (or is it the third) healthy person to die of swine flu in New Zealand, or is it Britain? or is it 3 sick people in Britain or is it 10 sick and 2 healthy in Australia? God, should I keep going? Are you still reading? Do you really care? The World Health Organisation has said that press releases with regards to swine flu are unstoppable. This alongside the news that in New Zealand alone 300 million people will die of swine flu this winter, or 10 people, one or the other. In Auckland yesterday, a reporter from some network was standing "LIVE"
outside a school at 8 in the evening, babbling on about some swine flu
twaddle. To be honest, I wasn't paying proper attention, there was alot
of "crossing live now" and serious voices and looks, something like
"Yes, Peter, this school has been closed, or is open, but with no
students, or no teachers or some garbage, to be honest I tuned out".Meanwhile members of the media were finding it incredibly frustrating, Herge Tintin, a reporter for The Twentieth Century said: "Yes, it is frustrating, you almost want to grab people by the scruff of the neck and yell "It's the worst pandemic since 1918 where millions died, start panicking goddamnit"". He continued: "The problem is of course, everyone is bored shitless by it. After the big nothings of bird flu, mad cows disease, Sars, etc, no one really believes the media. Well that and the fact that swine flu is just not really very scary at all". He ended with: "Swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, swine flu, SSSSSSSSSWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUU". Meanwhile, some doctor type looking fellow in a bright pink tie said on the telly last night : "Last year in Britain 2000 people died of the normal flu, in America the number was around 25,000 and in New Zealand so far this winter, their has likely been 100 deaths so far from normal seasonal flu, so calm the fuck down already". Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news. They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL. . |
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