Male Midwife: "Woman need to harden the fuck up!"
The United Kingdom's leading male midwife, Dr Dennis Walsh, associate professor of midwifery at Nottingham University, has told woman that they need to "harden the fuck up and stop being a bunch of sooks". He made the announcement in a paper submitted to the journal: Evidence Based Midwifery entitled "Why squeezing an oddly shaped basketball through a hole smaller than a tennis ball, doesn't hurt that much and you should stop moaning about it".
He says that pain in labour is known to have positive physiological effects, such as bonding with the child and establishing a rhythm to childbirth. Critics have said that the positive physiological affects come afterwards, following the intense, worst pain on your life, once you have finished begging the doctor to leave it in and the sensation of wanting to rip your partners head of has passed.
Meanwhile woman across the UK were lining up to to insert large, 8 pound, odd shaped items into his anus and then watching him withdraw them over a 24 hour period to see what he thought of the pain. Sharon Sharonsin, a mother of 3 from Surrey, has chosen a garden broom to be inserted brush end first, she said: "Lets see how the bastard bonds with this then shall we?".
What's the problem?
Following coverage in the press in Britain, there has been a marked increase in reports of men nodding during the news, followed seconds afterwards with a whack to the back of the head with a frozen 5kg salmon, seconds before they had a chance to say "see I knew it".
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