IRD vies for the top spot of New Zealand's biggest pricks
The IRD are vying to return to the top spot of New Zealand biggest arseholes. After being bumped from the long running number 1 spot, by money grabbing banks and horny politicians, the Inland Revenue Department is now going to new lengths to prove to New Zealand that they truly are pure evil, demanding that you now hand over your first born in-lieu of back taxes.
Inland Revenue is employing rare and barely used historic techniques to
squeeze more money out of peoples back pockets. One technique involves
holding you upside by your ankles and shaking you until all your money
has fallen from your pockets.The IRD have employed particularly evil techniques, like asking to see your business records and then, no matter how old and well kept your records are, they will ask for records 2 years prior to this, before making you pull a number between $1,000 and $50,000 out of a hat and saying that's how much you owe. They will then get you to line up your children, rating them in terms of age and muscular development and telling you which ones would be suitable as a trade.
Tax agents, have noted an increased used of the out-dated Section 157 law, enabling the IRD to break into your house while your out and steal your home entertainment system and copper pipes from your wall. The IRD has said that it only uses this as a last resort, after poking you with hot irons has not worked. It confirmed, however, that it will of course definitely use it.
Keith Hansell, a tax agent from Birkenhead said: "The IRD are going to extreme lengths, to recover funds, including creating new laws and just making stuff up. I mean they were pricks before but now they're just being a complete bunch of cocks".
Jeff Jameson, a struggling small business owner who now lives under an overpass had this to say: "Cock munchers, shit eating cock munchers, utter utter shit eating cock munchers".
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