John Key: It might be shit now, but, it'd be even shitter under Labour. Everything is all their fault.
New Zealand's Prime Minister, John Key, continued on his tried and tested political tract by blaming all of New Zealand's problems on the previous labour government. He ensured the public that "as shit as it is now, it'd be much shitter under Labour". Despite being over 20% of the way through his turn at trying not to run the country into the ground, Mr Key, continued to blame everyone apart from himself and his deputy PM Bill English, an also ran from the 2002 elections.
Following today's announcement that WINZ officers will be standing behind those people on benefits and poking them with sticks while they made plastic burgers in McDonalds. Mr Key has this to say: "Yes, working at McDonalds really is the bottom of the barrel, but remember, if Labour were in charge these people would be in meaningless apprenticeships or taking community education or something".
He continued: "While working at McDonalds is perhaps not ideal for everyone, over the next 5 years that will result in another 7000 people employed and don't forget the home insulation grant, that will create thousand and thousand of jobs". We asked Mr Keys if he meant 2000 jobs to which he replied "well, yes". Good times
We pointed out to Mr Key, that the 1000 additions to the dole queue per week, would offset his job creations in 8 weeks and that by 2011, the amount of people on the benefit would rise by 45,000. Mr Key replied; "Oh... But remember if Labour were in power it would probably be 10 times that... look , can't you just focus on the lotto win, like every other news agency?"
Mr Key said: "Now look here, if Labour were still in charge, we'd be in a depression, living in caves, poorly insulated caves at that and with less than one bicycle per cave. I mean, there probably wouldn't even be plans for a bike path."
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