The NZ News Online signs up to Twitter*
With daily readership of The NZ News Online soaring above single figures, faster than current rates of swine flu infection (however, much slower than the media can try and work us into a frenzy over it). The NZ News Online has decided that our readers will be interested in not only getting the breaking news first, but, finding out that I've lo
cked my keys in
the house.The notion came to the staff at The NZ News Online, when watching the drivel parading as news that is TVNZ Breakfast. When the portly, camp reporter from Wellington, said that he had joined Twitter and once we googled Twitter and figured out what the bloody hell it was, we decided if it was good enough for TVNZ, The NZ Herald and God only know who else, then we can't be the only fake news site not to take part.
For those of our readers, who have only recently figured out what the hell people were talking about when someone mentioned common Twitter: This fellow loves it internet terms like facebook, avatar and fisting, we thought it best to provide an explanation of what Twitter is.
Twitter is an online service where you can get immediate short message updates from anyone you "befriend". You can also get it on various telecommunication devices. Seeing as this site is updated regularly and you can get it online, you make ask why the fucking hell do I need Twitter. In short, you don't. However, if you crave instant internet gratification, but, you can't watch porn at work, then Twitter might appease you until you can get home from work. Watching us on Twitter you will get the same sort of updates you normally get on The NZ News Online, but, with even less proof reading, more spelling mistakes and exponential increase in profanities.
Some Example Twits:
- Did you see that bastard from BNZ saying he had to keep charging customers through the nose to keep their AAA rating. What an absolute cock.
- ACC really are just a pack of bastards, aren't they? Abused as a child? No Payment. Can't use your hand? No payment.
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, David Bain.
- Anyone out in town? Fancy a cheeky beer? I'll likely be holed up in the Kings Arms all arvo.
*We have not really signed up to Twitter so if you try looking for us on Twitter you risk accidently signing up to a real news service or the NZ Herald. Rest assured The NZ News Online will never lower ourselves to joining Twitter, and if we do I'll just come back and delete this.
Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news. They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
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