Prisoner to be thrown in deep pit and made to fight to the death
With New Zealand prisons filling rapidly and with a government too tight to build more, crazed and constantly enraged Corrections Minister Judith Collins, has thrown her support behind plans to build a 20m deep pit where up to 100 prisoners at a time will be able to fight to the death. The single remaining victor will then gain his freedom. Each pit will contain various medieval weapons, initially at a ratio of 1 prisoner to 0.8 weapons, the ratio will change quite quickly as prisoners kill each other off.
If prisoners band together and decide not to fight then spikes will come out of the walls, slowly drawing in on each other until they are forced to fight to the death or die by being impaled on the rusted, blood stained spikes.
With the cost of building a new prison equating to $600,000 per head, it was initially suggested that shipping containers be used instead, reducing costs to $380,000 per head. Constructing a death pit however, would cost initially $500,000 total, with low ongoing costs. These include maintenance of spiked walls and replacing medieval style weapons when broken.
They don't make them like they used to
Commenting on the new correction plans, Judith "Crusher" Collins stated: "Initially, when I heard the idea of shipping containers, I was ecstatic. However once I found out we weren't locking the prisoners in the containers and then shipping them to Australia I was much less keen. That's when I came up with the idea of the death pit".
Critics have said that while this will rid us of up to 99% of criminals cheaply and easily, it will also breed a new level of super-violent super-criminal, via a Darwinian-like experiment selecting for killing ability. Asked how the government would deal with this Ms Collins said: "That is a dilemma and we're still brainstorming that, more than likely will just shoot them in the head as they're climbing out of the pit, that, or imprison them in Melissa Lee's South Auckland Super Prison scheme where they'll more than likely reach the level of a high ranking gang leader, feasting daily on the flesh of their victims".
John Key, was initially in favour of humane detention but when he saw the savings he was said to change his mind.
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