Uggos to be banned from Wimbledon's centre court.
The All England Club, the hosts and organisers of the Wimbledon tennis tournament, have stated that they will be banning all ugly female competitors or "uggos" from centre court in favour of "young, tight, taut, babes, with, ooh yes, that's the stuff!" Ugly female players will only have the opportunity to play if they are in the top 3 and promise to wear a bag over their head, otherwise, the best spots will be given to 18 year old Italians.
A spokesman for the All England Club said "Hopefully, we can get rid of tennis all together and just have half a dozen or so nubile beauties prancing around, stretching and grunting, that's right...., don't forget the grunting".
He continued: "I mean, obviously, we would like a British babe there, but, getting a British player in the top 50 is almost as difficult as finding a good looking British woman, so you can imagine the difficulty in getting both in one package".
Dinara Safina and Serena Williams, the number one and two seeds at the tournament respectively, while superb at tennis, are unfortunately terribly, terribly ugly and have been instructed to bounce a tennis ball against a wall in the car park,. At the same time on centre court, an Italian beauty will be rubbing olive oil over a Russian beauty. Both are towards the bottom of world tennis rankings, but, hold the top spots of Nuts Magazine's Top Tennis Totty.
In contrast, the best male players will still be given the best spots on centre court despite being hairy, sweaty and ugly. Inexplicably, skinny ginger Scotsman, Andy Murray, was still getting the best slots despite 95% of tennis fans not being able to look directly at him without throwing up.
George Smith, a long time, tennis fan was in favour of the new moves, as he rubbed his groin in front of the television, with a six-pack of super strong lager, he said: "I like it a lot, the sooner they get rid of the blokes altogether, the better, phwoar, now look at that".
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