Fiji will not be able to compete in tournament no one watches.
7 September 2009
Following the announcement from the mentally unhinged military dictator, Frank Bainimarama, that there would not be democratic elections anytime soon, Fiji have been dealt an (apparently) harsh political blow by being suspended from the Commonwealth.
The population of Fiji are said to be distraught as they will not be able to attend the next Commonwealth games, this despite the fact that no one knows where it will be held or where or even when the last one took place.
For our non-Commonwealth readers, the Commonwealth games is like the Olympics but a bit shit because none of the proper sporting nations take part or are interested in taking part or are even aware it exists. The last Commonwealth games took place in 2006 in Melbourne and was probably won by Australia, however, the victory was bittersweet as no one in the Commonwealth realised this including the majority of athletes who actually took part.
Fiji are said to be hugely disappointed, because, while they are eligible for the Olympics, they do not shine as much as they do in the everyone gets a medal competition that is the Commonwealth games.
However, it is not just about the sporting event, Fiji will also not be able to attend other Commonwealth meetings or events. Mr Bainimarama's is said to be angered by having to miss out on the 3 course meals provided at these meetings. Apparently the passionfruit cheesecake is to die for.
On the plus side the head of Fiji tourism said that it frees up the island nation to hold a coup that year instead of attending the Commonwealth games.
Disclaimer: The above articles and all articles on The NZ News Online are Satire or Parody and are not real news. They are entirely fictitious/devoid of facts/made up for the purposes of comedy/NOT REAL.
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